Let Yourself Astound Yourself
Book III of Epictetus's Discourses And Selected Writings finds the former slave turned teacher writing about the utility of sparring partners—that is, any oppressive force that if dealt with well, makes one better for having done so. Our sparring partners show us what we're capable of.
Anyone exposed to any amount of self improvement is familiar with the idea that adversity breeds resilience. What may be less circulated is the significance of experiencing pain with intention—the active intention to not have that pain eclipse, diminish, or take more than necessary, and the active intention to exit that pain not worse off, but better. In other words, when it comes to battling any particular difficulty, we set the terms of engagement. We consciously decide what it will not take from us.
This means that we're not "making up ground" once we reach the end. We're not putting the pieces back together, we're not pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps. We decided that whatever must be endured could be endured well, and operated accordingly. Playwright and Stoic philosopher Seneca provocatively challenges us with the notion that "no man is more unhappy than he who never faces adversity. For he is not permitted to prove himself."
While natural and preferential to limit one's exposure to misfortune, experiencing this well is how we astound ourselves. This is not to recommend that difficulty be responded to robotically, but rather, to remind us of our propensity to grieve and mourn healthily.
You can acknowledge damage without adding more damage. You can be wildly frustrated without making wild or irreversible choices. You can go through a breakup and still go to the gym (lest you'd rather find yourself both sad and out of shape). It behooves us to engage the advisement of Seneca, to not add sorrow by being sorry for your sorrow. What version of you, and of your life, do you want to be met with on the other side?
Let yourself astound yourself. Persist through turmoil in such a manner that the matters that matter to you, those still within your influence, are still in tact. Endure, but endure well.
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